Trials and Triumph
by Mercury1
Summary: Lex remembers what he did under the influence of Rickman, and confronts Clark. Interesting consequences follow. Please R/R, come on you know you want to read it! Thanks!


**Author Name:** Mercury  
  
**E-mail: **apriljack2@aol.com  
  
**Pairing: **Clark/Lex  
  
**Rating: **R for language  
  
**Spoilers: **Huge ones for the one with Rickman in it. *God I can't remember the name!*  
  
**Disclaimer: ** I don't one these charecters, rich people do. So please don't sue the nice broke lady!  
  
**Feedback:** Always appreciated. But in all actuality I'm addicted to it. I crave it. Even if it's a one liner acknowledging that you read it any feedback would be accepted with open arms. Just to let you know I prefer rotten vegetables to people chasing me down with pitchforks. Thanks All flames will be used to light fires under my muses to get them going!   
  
**Author's Notes:** Big, **BIG, BIG,** ass thanks to my beta J.D. For pointing out all my painfully stupid mistakes and laughing at them accordingly! I really, really appreciate it. This was a submission in the Rememories contest' on Lexslash. Thanks to everyone who voted for me!  
  
**The Apology:** Sorry for not posting lately! Hope everyone enjoys this!  
  
  
**_Trials and Triumph  
By:Mercury  
  
_**__________________________________________________________  
Lex bolted upright in his bed. It had happened again, he had dreamt he shot Clark when they were at that sleazy little body shop in the middle of nowhere. Lex's whole body was tense; sweat made his skin clammy and unnaturally cool to the touch. He shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself for comfort. _It didn't happen, it couldn't happen. I would never hurt Clark. But I did.  
  
_ "I didn't hurt Clark!" Lex yelled at the darkness that enveloped him. _But I did, didn't I?  
  
_ Lex closed his eyes as the whole terrible incident played back like an old horror movie on the inside of his eyelids. Torching the car, saying all those horrible things, _Jesus the things I said, the look in Clark's eyes. Just like a kicked puppy. _and finally shooting Clark. The images were far too vivid to be anything but a memory.   
  
Lex trembled as he pulled the ivy green comforter around his shoulders. _It wasn't just a dream. It really happened. I shot my best and only friend with an Uzi! No, no it couldn't have been real. Clark's still alive. That's right I'll go talk to Clark about this again tomorrow. Yeah, that's it, he'll tell me it's just a crazy dream.   
  
_ "It was just a dream. I never hurt Clark." Lex said, but it sounded like a lie even to his own ears.   
  
With that Lex laughed a laugh that held an undeniable edge of hysteria to it. And he lay back down pushing his face into the down pillow so that the nothingness in the pitch black room with him couldn't see the laughter turn to tears.   
  
____________________________________________________  
  
Clark was staring studiously at the tractor engine trying to figure out just what was wrong with it. At his side sat the owner's manual and a screwdriver. He had been sitting there staring at it for a long time and was considering just breaking a piston so he wouldn't have to fix it, but that wasn't the just thing to do so he stared. The world around him faded until all that was left was the engine in front of him. He scanned through it's body with his x-ray vision trying to isolate the problem, and he was so focused he didn't even notice Lex step into the barn.  
  
Lex had his hands thrust deep in his pockets as he looked around the barn nervously. Time passed, enough time that if Clark had saw him standing there would be no logical explanation for not having announced himself.   
  
"Clark?" Lex managed to choke out the one syllable.  
  
Snapped out of his engine reality Clark responded to his friend's voice. "Oh, hi Lex, I wasn't expecting you so early in the morning." Clark said before turning to face Lex.  
  
When he did Clark was confronted with a sight he had never seen before. Lex stood in the corner shoulders slumped, dark circles under his eyes, and a slightly distressed look on his face.  
  
"Why did you come here Lex?" Clark chose his question carefully as he got off of his stool and approached Lex cautiously, as if he was trying to get close to a skittish deer.   
  
"Nothing, I was just in the neighborhood and I thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing." Lex's eyes searched desperately around the barn trying to find something to stare at so he would not have to look Clark in the eye.  
  
"Seriously Lex, what's wrong?" Clark finished his approach and laid a comforting hand on Lex's shoulder. His gesture of compassion was flinched away from and he immediately removed his hand.   
  
"I already told you NOTHING!" Lex was yelling, "Am I not allowed to get a bad nights sleep or something? Jesus!" Lex waived his hand to bring his mini tirade to a halt.  
  
Clark raised both his hands in a defensive action. "All right Lex calm down. Let's go on up to the loft and sit down. Okay?"  
  
Lex nodded sharply in response and quickly thrust his hand back into his pocket, but not quick enough that Clark didn't notice that it was shaking slightly. In the few short months he had known him Clark had become a master of the art that was reading Lex's emotions. He knew that Lex would never let go and tell him what was wrong. He just didn't cry, when anyone else who was close to Clark was as upset as Lex was they cried, but not Lex, he just got angry. And when that anger took over Clark knew to back off. Lex needed to feel that he was in control even if Clark was the only one you really had any influence over the situation. So Clark let the issue drop and Lex's anger subsided, Clark had handed him the power.  
  
Clark followed Lex up the stairs knowing enough to wait patiently until Lex felt the moment was right to fully unveil his true problem.   
  
"So Lex, how have things been going at the plant lately?" Clark asked breaking the uneasy silence that had engulfed them since they had entered the loft. He watched as Lex stood a short distance away from him by his telescope almost imperceptibly shifting his weight from foot to foot.  
  
"Fine." Lex replied coldly.   
  
_Since when did Clark know how to play my game?   
  
_"Ah, so what's been happening with you lately?" Clark asked with a dead voice. He was letting Lex take the question the way he wanted to. He could either tell Clark what was really going on, or he could give a completely generic answer and let the entire thing drop, no harm no foul.   
  
_How the hell did Clark get this good at mind games? I always thought he'd go for full farm boy intervention.  
  
_ "Clark there's something I need to ask you." Lex stared at Clark for a moment then running a hand over his scalp he continued, "What really happened that night at the gas station? I already know I shot you, but how are you still alive?"  
  
A brief unease flashed across Clark's features but disappeared nearly as soon as it had appeared. The sun was rising in the west lending an even more shadowed look to Lex's face.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about Lex." Clark's expression switched from defensive to concern in an in instant, but Lex could see it was a forced change something he had trained into his nature. "If you shot me I'd be dead or injured," Clark raised his arms up to further punctuate his point, "which I am neither of. Are you sure you're okay Lex? Have you been drinking or taken anything?"  
  
That was the final insult. Lex couldn't believe that Clark would throw his past in his face like that, and the fake concern radiating off of him almost made Lex puke, but instead he flung his arm out and backhanded Clark across the face.  
  
"You're my friend Clark! And you throw my past back in my fucking face! What the hell kind of friend are you!" Outrage poured off Lex in waves. "You lie through your teeth even when you know someone knows the truth! Why the hell won't you trust me!?" Lex was fighting back both his tears and his anger now. "Or maybe I was never really your friend! Did you just feel bad for the poor little Luthor boy that has no friends!? Well fuck that Clark I don't need your fucking lies and deceptions! I live that every fucking day! I thought that maybe I found someone who finally trusted me but I was wrong! You're just as bad as the others, if not worse." Lex ended his rampage with a disgusted tone.  
  
Clark's eyes were full of surprise and shock, and a heart-wrenching look of betrayal. Lex had to look away to enable himself to continue. Clark raised his hand to his cheek lightly touching the skin beneath his fingertips. Although it's impact meant nothing to him, the emotional blow shook him to the core.  
  
_ He lied to you he deserves this._ "And to think I actually lost sleep thinking that I might have hurt you." Lex said sneering at him, and shaking his head just for good measure. His voice and demeanor were like ice.  
  
With that Lex turned on his heels and stormed out of the barn. As he got into his Aston Martin he could hear Clark calling him back, but he didn't respond. He floored the Aston. As soon as he was far enough away from Kent farm Lex pulled over to the side of the road and got out of his car. He balled his hands into tight fists and just punched the soft metal of the midnight blue car, he could feel the sharp pain in his hands but couldn't bring himself to care.  
  
"Why. The. Fuck. Am. I. Such. An. Asshole." Lex punctuated every word with a hit of his fist. Once he was done he turned around and slid bonelessly down the side of the sleek vehicle to the gravel shoulder of the road. The cool spring breeze chilled him slightly. "I don't know." Hot tears poured down his cheeks as he stared into the wheat field around him, the rising sun scorching his eyes.  
  
Clark stood stunned in the entrance way to the barn. He could not for the life of him decipher what had just happened to him. He still held tight to the belief that once released from the influence of Rickmen the victim remembered nothing of what they did. Clark knew for his own sake he should not tell Lex anything and sacrifice their friendship for his secret, but he could not bring himself to behave so selfishly. Clark decided to tell Lex the truth. He remembered a morbid old children's rhyme that oddly mirrored his situation.   
  
Billy, in one of his bright new sashes,   
Fell into the fire and was burnt to ashes,  
And now, although the room grows chilly,  
I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.  
  
Clark put his super-speed to use and began to sprint the way to Lex's castle. He slowed to a normal human pace when he saw one of* Lex's flashy and distinctive cars come up on the horizon. The gravel crunched in a regular rhythm as he approached his friend. As he got closer Clark saw that Lex was seated next to his car on the gravel shoulder. His head was in his hands his body was pointed west at the rising sun and the Gordon's field. The sharp morning light glinted off of Lex's shiny dome momentarily blinding Clark as he got closer.   
  
Clark cautiously approached his seated friend. When Lex did not respond to his proximity Clark tentatively reached out his hand and laid it upon Lex's shoulder. Lex didn't turn or even look up he just remained with his head in his hands like a sorrowful statue.  
  
Do to the lack of response Clark left his hand where it was and slid down the side of the car to join Lex on the ungiving gravel shoulder of one of the only paved roads out in Smallville's farming district.   
  
"Did you come to witness the unraveling of Luthor, Clark? I'd hate to disappoint you but you saw the fireworks back at your barn. From now on it's just the quiet downhill trek into lunacy. Nothing much to look at, but I have a feeling your father would come in a heart beat with a bag full of popcorn to watch it." Lex said in a tone of one who was tired of carrying on.  
  
"Lex, don't do that. Don't depreciate yourself like that. My father is stubborn, but he is wrong. You're a good person Lex that is why you're my friend, my best friend." Clark proceeded earnestly, determined to not let his fear get in the way of his words. "And to be honest Lex I...I haven't been a good of a friend to you as you have been to me. I keep a lot of secrets from you and everyone except my parents. And you have to believe me when I say I hate doing that, but I especially hate that I have to keep my secrets from you. I can't stand the fact that this morning I was willing to hurt you to keep those secrets safe. That's why I'm going to tell you all my secrets Lex. I want our relationship to be built on trust and I trust you Lex." Lex stared at Clark jaw lax and tears flowing down his now pink and puffy face for a whole new reason. "All I ask of you is that you restrain yourself from running away screaming until I'm completely done. Okay?"  
  
Lex nodded, and Clark began his tale starting with the meteor shower and ending with the events that led them to be sitting on the dusty shoulder of a rural road that day.   
  
After Clark finished Lex just sat and stared for a long while. A distance in his eyes that Clark was sure it would take forever and a day to travel even at super-speed, and as the distance grew so did his fear that he was losing Lex.  
  
Clark, I have no idea where to begin, Lex's voice had the same frightening distance as his eyes. "You just bared your soul to me, told me things that no one else knows. And you trusted me with all of that, Clark, you believed in me Lex's tone portrayed how much he did not even believe himself. No one believes in Luthors. There is so much that I could tell you but I won't waste time with that. I do believe that this is a quite extraordinary dream that I will wake up from soon to a self with a full head of hair and loving father but a world devoid of you. So I should tell you the most important thing first." Lex's expression was serious. " I love you Clark Kent. I've been in love with you since the moment I meet you. I should of known you were too good to be anything but a dream."  
  
Clark was now conscious that his hand was still placed on the heavy black wool of Lex's overcoat that was covering Lex's shoulder, but Clark made no move to remove his hand.   
  
"I doubt that you'll want to be around me anymore. But you don't have to wor..." Lex was cut off mid sentence by Clark's lips connecting with his own.   
  
A million thoughts raced through Clark's mind as he deepened the kiss and effortlessly pulled Lex on top of himself. After a long while they finally parted to inhale deep lungfuls of crisp spring air into their oxygen deprived bodies. Lex still sat straddling Clark's hips and spoke the first thing that came to his mind when meaningful thought finally came back to him. "Clark, what the h...?"   
  
Lex was cut off once again by Clark kissing him. Lex felt the cool spring air gently blow on his chest as he slowly realized Clark was undoing the buttons of his shirt. That was it, Lex's conscious mind bid his body good bye and took a long vacation. But before it went away it thoughtfully left him a vocabulary of three word; God, yes, and Clark. Clark slowly pulled away from the kiss and began to kiss and lick the skin of Lex's neck. Lex nuzzled appreciably into Clark shoulder and molded into Clark's arms. Clark started to rub and massage away the muscle knots that had formed on Lex's back and eventually stopped kissing Lex's neck.  
  
_Clark is perfect. Perfect massages, perfect body, perfect.   
  
_Clark found an especially tense spot on Lex's back causing the older man to groan into his flannel covered shoulder.   
  
"You know we still need to talk about this." Clark whispered quietly into Lex's ear. _Damn boy thinks too damn much.  
  
_"No we don't. I like you, you like me. You can snap almost anything or anyone in half, run faster than a speeding bullet, and have x-ray vision. I can reflect light off my shining head. Can we please stop discussing and start doing something, please?" Lex removed his head from Clark's shoulder and stared into the boy's eyes with puppy dog expression, with the exception of a shit-eating grin on his face. _At least I got half the expression right.   
  
_ Clark smirked down at him. "You know that's my expression, if you're going to steal it then you should at least make some attempt at getting it right. As penalty for your practical slaughter of the puppy dog face you still have to talk to me about this," Clark motioned between them, "before we do anything."  
  
  
"What is there exactly to talk about?" _God, I'm a smart-ass. Dad would be proud_.  
  
"Trust is what we have to talk about, and to boot how this is going to play out between us." Clark's eyes were full of love. _Love for me! A Luthor! Ha! Who'd a thunk it! Who'd a thunk it? I really need to get back to Metropolis more often.  
  
_"Is the moon really made of cheese?" Clark said mockingly, but loud enough to knock Lex out of his daze.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You spaced out, I thought maybe you could tell me if the moon really made of cheese." Breathy laughter pranced out of Clark's lips.  
  
The happy grin that had settled down on Lex's face grew. "My father really underestimates humors usefulness in defusing serious and life changing situations. Speaking of fathers, we've been sitting here for a while talking, won't your parents be worried about you right now?"  
  
  
"I already finished all my other chores, and I told them I would look at the engine but if I couldn't fix it I would going to town, and hanging around with anyone I saw or sitting with Lana at the Talon. They won't be come looking for me until dinner time, unless I call."   
  
"So we have the entire afternoon to ourselves?" Lex asked, the hope in him rising.  
  
"Morning, afternoon, and night. That is if I get a dinner invite and secure the use of a phone." Clark said, grinning mischievously.  
  
"Wait a minute there Clark. What did you have in mind? I mean what are you ready for?" Lex asked, praying to any god that would listen that Clark had initiative and went a step beyond phys. ed. class.  
  
I want to do everything. Clark's simple answer sent chills down Lex's spine.  
  
Let's go back to the castle. Lex said hurriedly.   
  
Clark and Lex hauled themselves up off the hard ground. The fresh morning sun framed their faces when they climbed into Lex's Aston and drove off. Their ride was uneventful, both boys where sorting out their particular issues that went along with the actions of the day.   
  
Clark pondered what had gone on that day. Clark broke the comfortable silence with the projects of his reflection. Ever hit me again and you'll definitely live horribly to see it. The blows can't hurt me physically Lex but that doesn't mean they don't wound me in different ways. Clark spoke as he stared out the window at the passing scenery.  
  
Lex bent his head down towards the steering wheel in shame. _I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from doing that. _Clark, you have no idea how sorry I am for ever hitting you. I wish I could take it back but I can't. I can just hope that you will forgive me and believe me when I tell you that I will never do that again. Lex's voice was deep and full of sincerity.  
  
Clark's long silence began to unnerve Lex, but then Clark finally spoke. I know Lex, and I forgive you.  
  
The rest of their ride was completed in silence. A few minutes after their mini conversation they pulled into the long winding driveway to Luthor castle. Flowers bloomed along side the asphalt drive obviously the pride and joy of some over paid landscaper. Luthor Castle stood as imposing as ever at the top of the driveway. The only room in the house that Clark had seen that ever looked lived in was Lex's study. He suddenly felt very sorry for Lex; he had to live in what was the equivalent of a museum. Without anyone to stay with him except for the few servants that lived in the guest house, and Alfred the butler who lived in the downstairs bedroom.  
  
While Clark was caught in his memories they had pulled into the expansive garage of the castle. Lex had sat staring at him for a short time before speaking. What are you thinking about?' _Please don't let him be having second thoughts.  
  
_ I was thinking about how lonely it must be staying here all by yourself. Clark spoke with a strange monotone voice.  
  
It's really not that bad once you get used to it. Clark you know if you don't want to do this I'll take you home. In the eyes of the law I'm coercing you into doing this so don't be afraid to say no, I want to stop but I respect you enough to do it. Lex's expression was one of unfeigned affection.  
  
You aren't. Clark answered cryptically.  
  
Aren't what? Lex asked, looking more than confused.  
  
You aren't taking advantage of me in the eyes of the law. I'm seventeen Lex. Nothing can happen to you legally now. Clark said, some of the brightness returning to his eyes.  
  
Oh, lets go inside.  
  
They walked inside side by side and continued on to Lex's bedroom. Sweet words and kisses were exchanged and for once Lex didn't just have sex, he made love. As they held each other afterward both thought that maybe, just maybe, they'd be able to make it in the world, as long as they were together.  
  
*fin*  
  
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For all those reading my other fic _In a Haze'_ it will be updated soon I promise. That is if stupic ff.net stops crashing! Anywho, review it people! Hehehehe. Thank's for reading.  
  
  



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